Always, always speak kindly to yourself, because you’re always listening.
For many people this is the single most important change we can make to start to live with more ease and less pain. In yoga we start with ahimsha (non-harming) and it starts with self.
Many of us aren’t even aware of the unkind things we say to ourselves and the hurt those words cause us and how that ripples out to our relationships. If that sounds like you here is a method I often teach…
Think of a being you love and imagine how you would feel if someone said those words to and about your loved one.
If it would upset you then you are hurting yourself with those words.
Don’t beat yourself up though (don’t add more suffering!) think about what you would say to your loved one in response, and say those words to yourself.
The more often we do this the more natural it becomes.
“I’m always forgetting things, I’m so stupid and ditzy”
“On Wednesdays I’m super busy and so I rush; my mind is occupied with my to do list and I often forget the things I need for the day. That’s ok, my brain can only hold so many things at once. I’ll go a little slower on Wednesday mornings to stay calm and I’ll ask my housemate to help me to create a list and I’ll pin it to the fridge and check it before I leave.”
I’m rubbish at DIY, everything ends up wonky or falls off, my dad was great at it and I should be too, but I’m crap”
“DIY was my dad’s hobby, his way of winding-down and gaining a sense of achievement. I prefer to be on my yoga mat, or outdoors in nature. Because of this I rush through DIY instructions, I haven’t spent money on the right tools and so of course I don’t get the same results as someone who enjoys it and spends time cultivating that skill and that’s ok. When I need a cupboard door hanging I’ll ask dad or hire a professional with the tools snd hours of practice to do it well.”
So, 3 steps
1: Awareness: catch yourself speaking unkindly
2: Gratitude: Thank and congratulate yourself on the awareness, this guards against judging yourself for the initial unkindness
3: Love: Reframe as you would for a being you love unconditionally
Bonus Solutions: If you can also find a solution that would be even more wonderful
I hope you speak with love to yourself all day